Time. Is. Flying!
Its been 5 weeks since we found out about baby. What a whirlwind! I’m tired, sore, exhausted.. so many different things. I’m excited and petrified at the same time. Every day I panic about every twinge and pain, worrying that my body will let my baby down.
Theres only 2 of us on the journey now. Tragically my dear friend lost her baby. Initially, and now really, I didn’t know what to say. How do you make that right for someone. You can’t. I know the next few months are going to be painful for her and I will do everything in my power to respect and honour that. I wish I could fix it all for her. It reminds us all how fragile this journey is. How it can so easily be taken from you.
I think I’ve stopped stressing so badly about the money and work side of things. As everyone tells me, we’ll find a way to make it work. You just do. You just have to I guess.
We had our second scan this week. The first one was just to make sure the baby was real and that the positive test was not another strange hormonal shift in my already bizarre body. We saw a heartbeat this time. Such a relief to see it pumping away. Its certainly not a real baby in my head yet but seeing that flicker of colour change on the screen allows me to breathe again for the next few days knowing that everything is on track. The doctor tells me that constant panic in the pit of my stomach won’t go away. Ever. Its part of being a mum apparently!
Here’s hoping that the magical 12 week mark everyone is telling me about brings some more energy with it. I’d love to get back to the gym and maybe even fancy shagging my boy again (poor bugger!).
My girlfriend summed it up perfectly for me when she said “have you found yourself looking at grass median strips thinking fuck I’d love to sleep on that”…. yep, thats how tired I am. Give me any sort of surface, I’d love to lay down on it. Zzzzz