this is not a food baby

So I haven’t written for too many days.  Lets just say life went and got in the way and I needed to take a few days to focus on something more important.  Add in a quick trip to Albany for work and I find it’s suddenly been a week since I’ve written a word.

But, now I’m back. You can all let out a communal sigh of relief. Stop panicking. Its ok. I’m back on deck. Oh sorry….what’s that? You didn’t realize I had left…? Well, this is awkward.

Anyway. Whilst you were busy missing my thrice-weekly updates, I had a revelation. A pretty big one.

I’m. Having. A. Baby.

That’s right. A real life, can’t give back, person sized, fully-fledged baby. What the fuck?!

I think it started to hit me a few days ago when a friend gave birth to her little bundle of baby boy joy. I was sent a picture of the gorgeous little 2-hour-old creature and suddenly realized – one of those is going to come out of me.  Not only was it going to come OUT of me but it is currently IN me. Growing all that hair and limbs and starting to yawn and hear and all sorts of human like

This is not a food baby.

This is not a food baby.

things which don’t seem quite right when occurring inside my once empty mid region.

Insert mild panic attack and sudden return of nausea.

Now we are 19 weeks into this journey (where has that time gone by the way?) I guess those dots are all starting to connect. Those dots, that just a couple of months ago were floating around aimlessly in my head, were, in an instant connected, lined up, pieced together and slammed into my unsuspecting brain like a freight train.

I’m. Having. A. Baby.

Not a food baby. A real baby.

No doubt the photo wasn’t the only thing to trigger the connection with my uterus that occurred other day. The large bump starting to protrude through my clothes were my abs used to be is somewhat of a wake up call, and the rock melon sized boobs where my quite delightful C cups used to live are a definite sign that something is going on.

A baby. That’s what’s going on. An actual human being that in about 20 weeks or so is going to be here and need me.

I’m going to be a mum.

You have no idea how ridiculous that sounds in my own head. But its real and its happening and I actually starting to quite like the sound of it.

Don’t get me wrong. There is still a LOT I’m learning to come to terms with. A lot that seems bizarre and at times I still feel like I’m having an out of body experience and that some other poor woman is going to push this baby out at the end. But day-by-day, bit-by-bit, those dots are becoming a part of my being.

Baby. Mum. Me.

Not a food baby. A real baby. And he’s mine.

xx A

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